Do I...

... run through hell and hope the devil doesn't catch me
Or do I simply let it wrap it's flaming hands around me
Can I keep up the running with fire upon my back
And can I keep on moving forward to avoid the eternal black

***

When I wrote those lines, I had a country song in my head. Yes, a country song. I don't have the slightest clue who sings it, even though it would only take a perusal of my ITunes or a google search to locate the tidbit, but since I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted, I can't be bothered. It sings, "If you're going through hell, keep on going. Don't slow down... you might get out before the devil even knows you're there." Or something near that. And today, I feel like I'm going through hell. It's really just been one of the most miserable days I've had to deal with in quite a long time. Even the good stuff had it's downside. I just need sleep.

To K...

Is it ever going to be even slightly easy again? I'm so tired of being kicked and trod upon that I just don't know what to do anymore. Or even if I should care. I'm just exhausted. And I keep looking for signs from you to show me that maybe I have this all wrong... but I never get that omen. Just ravens and owls and black-caped men lingering in the fog.

T

Sunday night rhythms

I had a dream that the symmetry
And these painted scenes and these colours schemes
Would inspire a sense of sympathy
And return things to what they used to be

The strange thing is, that this inspiration
Had too little time to reach maturation
When fifty six minutes was nothing more
Than fleeting smoke at a long-dead celebration

I've packed it all up in these small cardboard cases
In newspaper wrapping, and into compact spaces
Taped up the corners and gone through the paces
To hide all the hurt that appears on our faces

We're a canyon apart... but a cloud close together
And little is left but to discuss the weather
We once lived as if we were birds of a feather
But only I remain, a lone bird in the heather

I guess that it's time that you assert that you're freed
From the shackles of us, and the burdens, and the need
You have all you want, so please, take the lead
And take on all the feathers of the bird that you see.

On I will shuffle, slowly I'll go...
What the journey will look like, it's too soon to know.
What I hope for at the end of this ebb and this flow
Is that you find some beauty in the scars that I show.

T

No title

There's been times I've medicated myself
Against the cold and against the quiet
To make the sleep come more quickly,
When I'm trying my best to hide it.
But when I slip into that bed
I know the truth remains...
The quiet is what will stay the same
Until you've finally decided.

I've heard you say that you don't like
This darker side of me.
Is there another way which I can turn
Which will satisfy or appease?
I thought that honesty was best
When trying to face the day.
But in turn you turn yourself inward
And push me further away.

You saying you're trying, darling,
But have you given me a chance?
Or have you simply found a new cocoon,
A place to call your nest?
It seems like you've just insulated you
Against all that we used to be
In order to find yourself a new,
More exciting way to see.

All of your decisions,
Well, baby, they keep hurting me,
Even as I attempt to recall
How I used to love you tenderly.
You're seeking new ways to prove
That you can do it on your own
But in this attempt to prove yourself,
You've left me all alone.

I wonder if there's even a chance
That you'll finally find a way
To compromise and find me
With you at the end of the day.
Every day you put us off
Is another day I believe
That you're giving up all we had
And all we pledged to believe.

My love, when did you give up on
The promise of you and me?

T