The world of the service industry is a constant foray into sociological observation. I've been working service jobs for about nine years now, and I still meet people who surprise me, who intrigue me, disappoint me, and impress me. I guess it's the nature of man to fulfill every possible segment of what we consider to be society. Darwin did say that it is through variation that we grow, change, and evolve. The problem is that I sometimes wonder how far we've come...
Last night is what got me thinking about this whole curiosity...
Although the cliche is extremely old, working as a bartender for a certain amount of time should contribute toward practicum time either as a post-degree sociology program, or for a psychology degree. Last night, I had the pleasure of encountering a mother and daughter who were in the middle of some family issues that really shouldn't make it into a public place. The 40ish daughter was arguing with her mother (who was celebrating her 60th birthday, nonetheless), and upon checking on the two ladies who were both extremely emotional, I learned that, supposedly, the mother had spent a lifetime beating the daughter and was likely going to do so again that night. I also learned that the daughter was dealing with other issues related to the fact that she had just been released from jail and her children had been taken away from her in the process. Far too much information to bring to the guy slinging drinks behind the bar.
At the other end of the spectrum, I had a couple in from California that were enjoying a few late-night beverages. Fantastic couple... pleasant, decent tippers just out for a good time. The unfortunate thing was, they encountered the aforementioned daughter who had stumbled into them and began to unload every imaginable social disfunction she had encountered on this lovely vacationing couple. I had a cab coming for the daughter so as to prevent any encounters with this nice couple or any other patrons, but unfortunately, the cab couldn't come quickly enough. The mother had already left in a cab 15 minutes prior. This is the point where the people from the show Intervention should show up and take control of the situation. No luck with that though. Luckily, A (the wife from the couple) led the daughter to the front door and waited for the cab with her... she'd been a nurse for the past 15 years, and had a rare nurturing spirit and didn't mind the interruption. I didn't know how to deal with the woman beyond hustling her out the door, so I was relieved that A stepped in to help. After many apologies and words of thanks, I discounted a couple drinks from their bill so the experience wasn't a total bust, and got to chat with the two for the last 20 minutes before they retired for the night. I left work that night thinking that maybe the whole of humanity wasn't on a fast track to the shitter, which is the impression I sometimes receive after dealing with crack addicts, hustlers, and bitter drunks who threaten me with cue-balls (which just happened just 2 weeks ago).
People wonder if I'm going to miss the service industry... I don't really think I will, but I still don't think that I'll be able to stop working with people. No matter how much they may seem to disappoint you, there's always people to curb the pessimistic/cynical tendancies that come along with the job description.... there may even be more people who turn up the spirits than bring them down. It's just funny that we can always find negative things to focus on, when there's a world of good folk out there just trying to make the day livable, and maybe even enjoyable...
- T
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Vacations and hot days and beach time, oh my!
I'd never had the chance to experience the loveliness that is going "up island". That's what the locals call the short trips to Qualicum Beach and Nanaimo and Campbell River and other such places of intrigue and adventure. However, this "up island" experience has officially been had. K and I headed up to Qualicum Beach last Friday for a single night of relaxation at a B&B, courtesy of the S, the best man at my wedding, and his lovely girlfriend D. We've had the gift certificate for almost a year and finally had a chance to use it, so we hopped in the Hyundai with our poor man's A/C (windows rolled down and feet hanging out the window) and made the 2 hour drive north to one of the most berautiful places in the world.
The town was beautiful, and although it took us far too long to get onto the right highway (due to our terrible, hand-drawn map without directions), we enjoyed the evening. We had dinner on the patio of a cute little pub on the water, enjoyed some drinks as the summer sun faded into the northwest sky, and walked along the beach to get some ice cream.
I guess there's no need to point out the fact that I like ice cream. The one in my left hand is, in reality, K's. At least, that's the story I'm sticking to.
After working the rest of the weekend, I also had the pleasure of heading to Thetis Lake as well. A couple friends from school saved a piece of beach for us, and after K got off early from work, we hit the road again with out hot hot hot hot car and did some sunbathing. I needed extra-dark sunglasses so the glare off my chest didn't blind me. And although my SPF 1,000,000 protected me from the suns evil death rays, I'm still a lovely shade of clear between my elboys and my knees. Everyone that's seen me knows that I can compete for nicest farmer tan in town.
I'll leave a couple more pictures on here, but I don't have too much exciting to say for today... it's been glorious here on the West Coast the past few days, so lets hope the weather continues...
Monday, June 19, 2006
Far too funny...
I really have to post these "excerpts" that I found through the staff homepage for the school I'll be interning at in September. There isn't too much information about where they come from, beyond the initial disclaimer. I couldn't help but share them. Enjoy, and I hope these put a smile on everyone's face. I can't even pick a favorite
- T
"These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's student winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her. Like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look - the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. "
- T
"These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's student winners.....
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighbourhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her. Like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look - the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. "
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Ever-evolving job description
I've been working in the service industry for the past, oh, 9 years. The one thing that I've noticed is that the longer I'm in the industry, the more my job descriptions tend to evolve. I think my bartending job at the pub has evolved to include the following:
Job description: Bartender in a blue-collar sports bar
Must be able to mix drinks, serve customers, and work on a cash till in a pleasant and efficient manner. As supervisor on duty, you must also take on the role as security guard, hostage negotiator, crowd control tough-guy, babysitter for inedbriate-disabled adults who pour drinks over themselves, throw tantrums and think that threatening you with a cue ball is a good idea. Must be able to separate a 250lb drunk and a 210 pound clinically insane man who thinks that they imaginary rifle in his hand is actually shooting a quiet group of men he believes are undercover mounties who are out to arrest him and put him in solitary confinement. You must also smile through all of this and pretend that dealing with aggressive hammered people is your favorite thing in the world. You love to tell grandmothers that they've had too much to drink and they should get the hell out of your bar.... forever. You must also tell the sons of NHL players that they are complete buffoons and they should never step foot past the front door. And smile. When you refuse to listen to their slobbering, slurring stories about how they're not as completely imbecilic as they are acting, smile. Welcome to your new job.
I guess there's no sense in really going on about the fact that I had an absolutely ridiculous night at work, and that in 2 months, when I'm pretty much officially done with the booze industry, that I'm not going to miss it all that much. Luckily for me, I'm pretty good at smiling.
- T
Job description: Bartender in a blue-collar sports bar
Must be able to mix drinks, serve customers, and work on a cash till in a pleasant and efficient manner. As supervisor on duty, you must also take on the role as security guard, hostage negotiator, crowd control tough-guy, babysitter for inedbriate-disabled adults who pour drinks over themselves, throw tantrums and think that threatening you with a cue ball is a good idea. Must be able to separate a 250lb drunk and a 210 pound clinically insane man who thinks that they imaginary rifle in his hand is actually shooting a quiet group of men he believes are undercover mounties who are out to arrest him and put him in solitary confinement. You must also smile through all of this and pretend that dealing with aggressive hammered people is your favorite thing in the world. You love to tell grandmothers that they've had too much to drink and they should get the hell out of your bar.... forever. You must also tell the sons of NHL players that they are complete buffoons and they should never step foot past the front door. And smile. When you refuse to listen to their slobbering, slurring stories about how they're not as completely imbecilic as they are acting, smile. Welcome to your new job.
I guess there's no sense in really going on about the fact that I had an absolutely ridiculous night at work, and that in 2 months, when I'm pretty much officially done with the booze industry, that I'm not going to miss it all that much. Luckily for me, I'm pretty good at smiling.
- T
Sunday, June 11, 2006
My life isn't really that interesting...
It's definitely been a couple weeks since the last posting. I was starting to have a fear that this blog would disappear into the world of the blogger graveyard... you know, those sites that drift off into the oblivion of the worldwide web. Never to be updated again.
I'm actually stealing the idea from some close friends that will likely take credit for it when they leave their next comment. But thanks, J, for helping me get up the gumption to keep on keeping on. It was more of a case that I simply haven't had any time in the past few weeks, but a touch of it was related to laziness and the thought that I didn't have anything interesting to post. Not that I do now, but I figure I'll give it a go.
First off... gotta repeat the joke from the rear cover of "Eats, shoots and leaves".
"A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
'Why?' asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
'I'm a panda,' he says at the door. 'Look it up.'
The waiter turns to the relevent entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
So, punctuation reall does matter, even if it is only occasionally a matter of life and death."
My wife and my mom both thought the joke was lame. I guess it is lame. Still, I love it. It's much more funny for me, the self-professed bookworm who is probably going to go ahead and read the entire book in his spare time (which is simply a highly conversational manual on punctuation and the lack of punctuation in western society). Sounds fun to me! What!? This isn't appealing to everyone?? :)
Hmmm...
Following in the footsteps of L's post from a few days back... things that you may not know about me...
- I'm a sap. A big messy sap.
- I like being a geek. Some people don't see me as a geek... until they spend some time with me.
- I hate to exercise. Being active is fine, but doing exercise for the sake of doing exercise is about as exciting as a kick in the teeth. I may be skinny, but I should probably weigh about 250lbs.
- If I have to do something, I usually like to do it myself. I think this might be because I'm just a bit of a control freak. Or slightly OCD. Not too sure about that one.
- I always think that the Sudan is part of the middle east. I'm not sure why, but I always think of Saudi Arabia and other M.E. countries. Why? Not really sure.
- I love listening to music in other languages. And I don't listen to nearly enough of it.
- I always write off the Lottery as a bunch of hooey... even though I secretly hope I win every time I buy a ticket. I don't buy them often, but I really think that in the back of my mind, providence will shine down and cut me a cheque for, oh, I don't know... a couple million bucks.
- I'm a snob... I think that my values are somehow superior to the values that strangers hold, and that people who drink cheap beer aren't nearly as classy as me. Even though I've been known to down a Pilsner or a Lucky Lager from time to time.
Okay, enough for now... I'll try to get more clever in a couple days. But for now, adios...
- T
I'm actually stealing the idea from some close friends that will likely take credit for it when they leave their next comment. But thanks, J, for helping me get up the gumption to keep on keeping on. It was more of a case that I simply haven't had any time in the past few weeks, but a touch of it was related to laziness and the thought that I didn't have anything interesting to post. Not that I do now, but I figure I'll give it a go.
First off... gotta repeat the joke from the rear cover of "Eats, shoots and leaves".
"A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.
'Why?' asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
'I'm a panda,' he says at the door. 'Look it up.'
The waiter turns to the relevent entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation.
'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
So, punctuation reall does matter, even if it is only occasionally a matter of life and death."
My wife and my mom both thought the joke was lame. I guess it is lame. Still, I love it. It's much more funny for me, the self-professed bookworm who is probably going to go ahead and read the entire book in his spare time (which is simply a highly conversational manual on punctuation and the lack of punctuation in western society). Sounds fun to me! What!? This isn't appealing to everyone?? :)
Hmmm...
Following in the footsteps of L's post from a few days back... things that you may not know about me...
- I'm a sap. A big messy sap.
- I like being a geek. Some people don't see me as a geek... until they spend some time with me.
- I hate to exercise. Being active is fine, but doing exercise for the sake of doing exercise is about as exciting as a kick in the teeth. I may be skinny, but I should probably weigh about 250lbs.
- If I have to do something, I usually like to do it myself. I think this might be because I'm just a bit of a control freak. Or slightly OCD. Not too sure about that one.
- I always think that the Sudan is part of the middle east. I'm not sure why, but I always think of Saudi Arabia and other M.E. countries. Why? Not really sure.
- I love listening to music in other languages. And I don't listen to nearly enough of it.
- I always write off the Lottery as a bunch of hooey... even though I secretly hope I win every time I buy a ticket. I don't buy them often, but I really think that in the back of my mind, providence will shine down and cut me a cheque for, oh, I don't know... a couple million bucks.
- I'm a snob... I think that my values are somehow superior to the values that strangers hold, and that people who drink cheap beer aren't nearly as classy as me. Even though I've been known to down a Pilsner or a Lucky Lager from time to time.
Okay, enough for now... I'll try to get more clever in a couple days. But for now, adios...
- T
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