Have you ever...

... driven a car without brakes? Well, I can understand if you haven't yet had the pleasure. Or, should I say the HORROR!?!?

On the way to work this morning, I noticed that my brakes were acting a little funny, but they were still working so I didn't think too much about it. I have a 35 minute commute to the painting gig I'm working right now, so the fact that I made it to work without incident made me forget all about it.

However, as I was getting ready to leave work, my brakes seemed a bit wonky. I began driving, immediately noticing that I could push my foot down nearly through the floor when hitting the break and I would receive varely any response. I kept trying them as I drove slowly down the road, and knew that something was wrong. However, in my male stubborness, I was just thinking, "If I can just make it to the shop in town, I'll get them checked out."

Since I'm working out on the Peninsula here on Van Isle, I took a side road home. However, after passing through one of the towns on the way back into the city, I knew I didn't have many options left... I could press all the way down on the brakes without any response until they literally locked up and I went skidding to a halt. Likewise, it was raining like a banshee so I was really a four-wheeled danger train ready for trouble.

Luckily, I came across a shop shortly there after and pulled in. Just before they closed shop, I convinced the manager to have someone take a look at the car. Sure enough, I'd blown my compressor in my rear brakes (which also needed some other work) and tomorrow morning I can pick up my ride, $360 to the negative. At least I'm alive to tell the story, I guess. I don't really recommend driving without some sort of functional stopping device on your motor vehicle. Just thought you'd like to know.

Now... why do people drive new cars? See above. Ford Escorts weren't meant to drive for more than 280,000 kms.

T

Departures

I've heard that death and taxes are life's only certainties. However, I think departures are inevitable as well. It's easy to think that, since they are in fact an unavoidable part of life, they should be easy to deal with. But watching people walk away, whatever the circumstances, can be difficult.

I've been struggling with what seems to be a staggering amount of uncertainty and a major sense of rootlessness... the transient nature of this period in my life has caused these feelings of treading water without being able to touch my toes to the bottom. Many factors are involved (which I don't really need to get into), but the things that seemed so certain are just, well.... the opposite.

I've been out on the coast for a month now, hours and a million miles away from the one I love, and the close friends I was staying with have also parted... they're off on a month-long trip to SE Asia, so I'm house sitting in their absence. For a few weeks, anyway. And so here I am... trying to figure out what comes next. My work schedule has been sorted out for the next few weeks, and I have an idea of when I'll be returning to my home base... and sure, I know that life is waiting for me there... but nothing seems certain... nothing seems solid and tangible. Quicksand is all that remains.

This may be just a melodramatic moment, but I'm terrified of what's to come. No longer can I rely on the familiar safety net of university and part time jobs and the ability to do as I wish. I know I've mentioned it flippantly before, but these seem to be the first days of the rest of my life. What's to come on the other side of the door is anyone's guess... hell, I'm not even sure. I've always been the one to have it all figured out, and I'm racking my brain to sort out exactly what will happen or what to expect. But I remain blank.  In a sense, I'm simply trying to ignore the fact that I'm metaphorically surrounded by water... if you ignore the water, does it cease to exist?

I don't know... I'm probably just obsessively philosophizing because of a lack of things to do. But here I remain, nonetheless. I guess I just need to keep showing up and see what happens. "For the longest way round is the shortest way home"....

T

Vacations are always tiring

It wasn't so much a vacation, but the trip back home to the prairies had a much more positive connotation this time... the marriage of my little sister.

K and I made it to Calgary on Tuesday evening and stayed with the in-laws Tuesday night. I'd wanted to go to the Zoo for a long time now, so we spent Wednesday touring the Calgary Zoo, hoping to catch a glimpse of this year's babies. Although the baby gorilla was in some sort of hiding from the crowds of zoo-goers, we did get to see the adorable baby elephant and a tonne of other cool animals. I was exhausted by the time we'd walked around the whole park, but it was well worth it.

After making it down to Bridge City that night, we spent the rest of the week eating, drinking, carousing and celebrating the fact that we were all together as a family on better terms. It was a week of celebrations that involved a lot of food, a LOT of beer and wine, and, last night, a HUGE amount of dancing. If you see K anytime in the next little while, she'll let you know. The speeches were touching, the groom sang a wonderful version of "I Wanna Grow Old With You", and we just had a great time seeing my little sister start a whole new family line. Congrats to the both of you crazy kids!

Alas, I had to return to reality on the Island in order to get to work tomorrow, so here I am, ready to turn into a pumpkin and head to bed. The joy and bliss of painting calls my name for another day, so off I run. Until again...

T

Coastal living

I'm officially out on the coast to work for the summer. Actually, I've been out for nearly two weeks, but there's no need to get caught up in the details. I'm here, and the weather is gorgeous and the ocean I miss so much is still here, so I shouldn't complain.

I'm back painting/training with the student painting company I've worked for in the past. Things have been going tolerably well, but I'm still having trouble hitting my groove. I think I'm just perpetually obsessive about getting things right, and in this line of piece-rate work, that's not really the best trait to have... financially speaking, anyways.

It's been fun living with SW and his lady... pretty chill, and there's always someone around to have a beer with. I'm still worried that I'm intruding into their world and throwing a wrench into the gears, but there have been enough interruptions that I don't think they're getting overwhelmed. I was gone last weekend and am leaving again on Tuesday, and by the time I get back they're going to be leaving for SE Asia after that for a month. Thus, just when they get all topped up with TM, off I go or off they go.

It's been a bit of a rough week and a half. After learning about my lack of work for September, I came out here to learn a few short days in that my grandfather passed away. So the following Friday (last week) I flew back to the prairies for the funeral and to spend time with the fam. That, along with the fact that work has been pretty "meh" so far and the fact that KM is a long way away makes it tough to be out here. Someone's always home, but I'm still feeling a bit lonely and sad at times.

Still, though, when I feel the ocean breeze on a sunny day and I don't fall off a ladder and I get a phone call from KM and there's beer in the fridge after a long day in the heat, life's not all that bad. It could definitely get worse, but I'm hoping it doesn't.

Until again, loyal readers (hi to both of you!),

T

So many things...

Life is sometimes (often?) overwhelming. It seems like I'm just being drilled with a million things at once right now, and I don't know where to put all of this emotional stress and energy. Just when I thought I could take my mind off work, I have a new job and a new location to worry about, and new employers and co-workers to please. I'm back in a town that I grew to call home, but after two years of being away, it's seems slightly strange... foreign. And I know I'm only here for 6 weeks or so, but it doesn't change the feeling that everything is just a bit foreign and although the streets still seem familiar, I feel like a sad nomad without a home.

And maintaining the sensation that nothing is solid or founded in stone, the rock of my paternal family has passed on. At 93 (0r 94?) years of age, my father's father, my grandfather, Joe Mrak has passed awau. I rationally understand that he was ready to go and he lived a good life so there's little to mourn, but knowing that he's gone is just another crack in the foundation of my world. Trying to talk to my dad over the phone from 500 miles away is even harder... how can I be strong when the superman of my world has been brought to sadness and tears?

Still, I remain here, looking out on the ocean, apart from my family, my wife, and the things I know so well... alone to deal with the world as it stands. When faced with everything uncertain, I just keep walking. Sometimes I get the feeling that if I stop, I won't want to start walking again... walking is sometimes the hardest thing to begin. So I simply don't stop. I don't often think of destinations... just motion.

T