I'm sitting in the airport, trying to think about what kind of uber-Canadian sort of food I'm going to have for lunch before flying to Tokyo. I'm thinking if it's something truly Canadian, it'll have to be either a) covered in back bacon, or b) have the option of poutine as a side.
I probably should avoid both since I'll be on a plane for the 10 hours following the feast, but we'll have to see. My apologies for being absent... the past few weeks have absolutely zipped by, and I haven't barely had time to catch my breath.
I will still be posting at this site, but I have also set up another more public blog for my travels/teaching stories. The name is quite similar... rather than "dimsumthing", it's "dimsumseeker" with the same rest of the address. I'm using that as a way to keep in touch with the legions of fans back home (or, at least with my family, friends, and a handful of co-workers). I'm going to try to handle both, but the 4 or 5 who stop by here on occasion, thanks for keeping up the reading, and I hope you keep in touch. Take care...
T
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Oh, how the world does change
It's time for a new adventure.
And if it isn't actually time for a new adventure, I'm launching myself head-first into one regardless of it I'm ready or not!
Only a month ago I was vaguely considering the possibility of going overseas to pursue a teaching position which veiled my desire to travel and see Asia. And only a few days ago, I was offered a teaching position in NE China teaching ESL at a middle-school feeder associated with the BC certified schools around China. So, in less than two weeks I'll be boarding a very large JAL plane destined for Japan before making my connection to Dalian, China.
I'd like to say I'm not scared... that sheer excitement is the only emotion I'm feeling. But the timeline I'm facing is extremely short. And the daunting idea of moving across the world and immersing myself in a completely foreign culture for a year (or potentially even more!) is scary as hell. I've had an extremely tumultuous year, and after everything, I still wonder if I'm ready for a change this drastic. But I'm also one of those people who hates not following through on a commitment, and now that I've quit two jobs, told my landlord about my extremely quick departure and signed the paperwork, I have no choice now. Insanity, here I come!
I know that I'm in need of a change. I've spent the last 18 months living in a holding pattern, hoping and praying for things to work out with the love of my life. In that time, I've become increasingly exhausted with the waiting, and felt as though I needed to start pursuing something more, well, "me" driven. Even though I'm still holding onto a slim slice of hope that things will one day work out, I simply need to become a big more centred and a bit more selfish. I can't say that I haven't been able to enjoy my time in Victoria... it's one of the places in the world that I feel comfortable and at peace. The ocean feels like home even though I grew up in a desert-like prairie setting. And the network of friends I have out here is unbeatable. I still have a lot of love for the western prairies, but there's just something magical about this coastal setting. But something else was calling... something new, and something that I had thought about for a long time. I've always said that I wanted Asia to be my next major travel destination (after my Europe trip), and the opportunity to get paid to travel overseas, get back to my career, and see a part of the world that I've never experienced was just too much to turn down.
I'm checking things off my monstrous list every day. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update the blog, but I'm hoping to utilize it as a sort of travelogue for my upcoming adventures. I may start a new page that may be more accessible in China, since there is less open access to certain websites when compared to North America. But when I sort that out, I'll keep you few loyal readers posted.
This big, blue world is one in which I want to indulge myself in as many ways as I can. So here I go again. Even though I'm heading out on my own, I know there's a hundred prayers and well-wishes going with me. And maybe the prayers for days past will find their target someday as well. For now, it's you and me, China. My, how the world does change.
T
And if it isn't actually time for a new adventure, I'm launching myself head-first into one regardless of it I'm ready or not!
Only a month ago I was vaguely considering the possibility of going overseas to pursue a teaching position which veiled my desire to travel and see Asia. And only a few days ago, I was offered a teaching position in NE China teaching ESL at a middle-school feeder associated with the BC certified schools around China. So, in less than two weeks I'll be boarding a very large JAL plane destined for Japan before making my connection to Dalian, China.
I'd like to say I'm not scared... that sheer excitement is the only emotion I'm feeling. But the timeline I'm facing is extremely short. And the daunting idea of moving across the world and immersing myself in a completely foreign culture for a year (or potentially even more!) is scary as hell. I've had an extremely tumultuous year, and after everything, I still wonder if I'm ready for a change this drastic. But I'm also one of those people who hates not following through on a commitment, and now that I've quit two jobs, told my landlord about my extremely quick departure and signed the paperwork, I have no choice now. Insanity, here I come!
I know that I'm in need of a change. I've spent the last 18 months living in a holding pattern, hoping and praying for things to work out with the love of my life. In that time, I've become increasingly exhausted with the waiting, and felt as though I needed to start pursuing something more, well, "me" driven. Even though I'm still holding onto a slim slice of hope that things will one day work out, I simply need to become a big more centred and a bit more selfish. I can't say that I haven't been able to enjoy my time in Victoria... it's one of the places in the world that I feel comfortable and at peace. The ocean feels like home even though I grew up in a desert-like prairie setting. And the network of friends I have out here is unbeatable. I still have a lot of love for the western prairies, but there's just something magical about this coastal setting. But something else was calling... something new, and something that I had thought about for a long time. I've always said that I wanted Asia to be my next major travel destination (after my Europe trip), and the opportunity to get paid to travel overseas, get back to my career, and see a part of the world that I've never experienced was just too much to turn down.
I'm checking things off my monstrous list every day. I'm not sure how often I'll be able to update the blog, but I'm hoping to utilize it as a sort of travelogue for my upcoming adventures. I may start a new page that may be more accessible in China, since there is less open access to certain websites when compared to North America. But when I sort that out, I'll keep you few loyal readers posted.
This big, blue world is one in which I want to indulge myself in as many ways as I can. So here I go again. Even though I'm heading out on my own, I know there's a hundred prayers and well-wishes going with me. And maybe the prayers for days past will find their target someday as well. For now, it's you and me, China. My, how the world does change.
T
Monday, September 07, 2009
Clinging
My feet lie under me wearily
And my focus, it drifts off dreamily
As I sit and wait for another uncertain thing to come
It's all just treading water
Like a desperate cling to survival
As the ocean floor is just a few feet too far away
It's fingers slipping on the cliffside
And hands too fatigued to decide
If they have the strength to hold on just one more breath
The sleep just isn't coming
While the white noise keeps on humming
As I pray for silent breaths to take me to my dreams
But the dreams, they seem so cloudy
And my fears are screaming loudly
So I wait and wait for sleep to find me once again.
T
And my focus, it drifts off dreamily
As I sit and wait for another uncertain thing to come
It's all just treading water
Like a desperate cling to survival
As the ocean floor is just a few feet too far away
It's fingers slipping on the cliffside
And hands too fatigued to decide
If they have the strength to hold on just one more breath
The sleep just isn't coming
While the white noise keeps on humming
As I pray for silent breaths to take me to my dreams
But the dreams, they seem so cloudy
And my fears are screaming loudly
So I wait and wait for sleep to find me once again.
T
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Anniversaries
I never believed in the seven year itch. I didn't actually believe that after this arbitrary number of years together that things go myseriously wrong. Ironically, this whole thing began in the seventh year.
K and I met while I was still in high school... she'd been graduated for a year or two already. We had a brief, chance meeting when we worked together for a total of maybe a few hours. After making stalker-ish visits to my workplace on my days off (while, of course, she was working), I convinced her that we should became friends. After our occupational parting, we only sporadically kept in touch, but every time we reconnected, the spark was there. It simply took us three or four years to be in a position to harness that energy.
Eight years later, here we are. Or aren't, as the case may be.
Some people have wondered if I have any regrets, or any ill feelings towards my decisions over these eight years. I can't think of any, other than maybe pushing for some sort of earlier and more pro-active problem-solving when the small things seemed to become problematic. But I don't regret it. I've been morose, melancholy, and just plain sad. But even in the clearest of hindsight, I've never uttered, "what a mistake". The experience has shaped me, and even though it hasn't gone the way I wanted or expected, I can only hold on to the belief that this is what needed to happen, whatever reason that may be.
Another realization I've had to confront is one that has been a big fear of mine all along... by choosing to "move on" and start living my life in whatever definition may be associated with this action, I have to confront the reality that K, too, may (and likely will) move on. She may find someone new now that I'm not really holding her back in any way. She may find someone else to make her laugh and hold her close, and give her the comfort and security I used to provide. Maybe there have been guys just waiting for this opportunity... I can't doubt this for a second, as she's one of the most beautiful women I know. I hate the idea, but I know that I need to face facts, particularly since it was me who has decided to walk away.
For today, though, I'm going to focus on the things that have made me smile along the way, and there have been too many to count. Happy anniversary.
T
K and I met while I was still in high school... she'd been graduated for a year or two already. We had a brief, chance meeting when we worked together for a total of maybe a few hours. After making stalker-ish visits to my workplace on my days off (while, of course, she was working), I convinced her that we should became friends. After our occupational parting, we only sporadically kept in touch, but every time we reconnected, the spark was there. It simply took us three or four years to be in a position to harness that energy.
Eight years later, here we are. Or aren't, as the case may be.
Some people have wondered if I have any regrets, or any ill feelings towards my decisions over these eight years. I can't think of any, other than maybe pushing for some sort of earlier and more pro-active problem-solving when the small things seemed to become problematic. But I don't regret it. I've been morose, melancholy, and just plain sad. But even in the clearest of hindsight, I've never uttered, "what a mistake". The experience has shaped me, and even though it hasn't gone the way I wanted or expected, I can only hold on to the belief that this is what needed to happen, whatever reason that may be.
Another realization I've had to confront is one that has been a big fear of mine all along... by choosing to "move on" and start living my life in whatever definition may be associated with this action, I have to confront the reality that K, too, may (and likely will) move on. She may find someone new now that I'm not really holding her back in any way. She may find someone else to make her laugh and hold her close, and give her the comfort and security I used to provide. Maybe there have been guys just waiting for this opportunity... I can't doubt this for a second, as she's one of the most beautiful women I know. I hate the idea, but I know that I need to face facts, particularly since it was me who has decided to walk away.
For today, though, I'm going to focus on the things that have made me smile along the way, and there have been too many to count. Happy anniversary.
T
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Watershed times
I feel as though I'm sitting on the edge of a cliff in the middle of the night. I have no idea what lies before me, but I know that it's big. And scary. And completely unknown. I'm suffering from absent-mindedness at work, as I'm distracted both by lingering heartbreak and the excitement of a new adventure staring me in the face. There's a creeping sense of nervousness dwelling in the deep recesses of my gut. There are so many thoughts and opinions and worries floating around my brain, that I'm not exactly sure how to process it all. In many ways, it's breeding a sense of discontent with my current work situation. For about a year now, I've been away from the career I chose, working jobs that are paying my bills but aren't paying me back in any sort of rewarding way personally. So I keep looking at the opportunities around the globe and wonder to myself if I'm ready for all of this.
I have to keep in mind that no contracts have been signed. There have been no offers, though the hope still remains that in the next week something will become available. And if it is something that does come up, I have to make the decision to jump or to stay. Does the safety of not jumping have to mean miserable complacency? Not necessarily. But a missed opportunity to jump is a missed experience altogether. And I'm not sure I'm willing to let such things go right now. The scariest things I've done have always been the most rewarding, from my decision to temporarily drop out of University to travel Europe, to moving to the west coast without knowing barely a soul, to getting down on one knee to ask a beautiful woman to love me forever. These decisions have probably shaped me more positively than any other active decisions (or non-decisions), and all of them came with their own sense of fear and uncertainty. So... if an opportunity arises, it's going to be hard to turn down. Ready or not.
My world is nothing but cliff-gripping toes
Tempting the expanse of the unknown below
Indulging in these elephant sized dreams
But yet, there's little more than frayed nerves to show
Maybe it's time to slow... slow... slow...
I wonder if I'll find myself in all these new intrigues
I do know that I've found myself nervous and fatigued
I'm certain that my uncertainty is for all the right things
And that my uncertainty is responsible for the excitement that I breed
The one thing that I hope for is clarity in all I see
If I open up my eyes and leap, I will see.
TM
I have to keep in mind that no contracts have been signed. There have been no offers, though the hope still remains that in the next week something will become available. And if it is something that does come up, I have to make the decision to jump or to stay. Does the safety of not jumping have to mean miserable complacency? Not necessarily. But a missed opportunity to jump is a missed experience altogether. And I'm not sure I'm willing to let such things go right now. The scariest things I've done have always been the most rewarding, from my decision to temporarily drop out of University to travel Europe, to moving to the west coast without knowing barely a soul, to getting down on one knee to ask a beautiful woman to love me forever. These decisions have probably shaped me more positively than any other active decisions (or non-decisions), and all of them came with their own sense of fear and uncertainty. So... if an opportunity arises, it's going to be hard to turn down. Ready or not.
My world is nothing but cliff-gripping toes
Tempting the expanse of the unknown below
Indulging in these elephant sized dreams
But yet, there's little more than frayed nerves to show
Maybe it's time to slow... slow... slow...
I wonder if I'll find myself in all these new intrigues
I do know that I've found myself nervous and fatigued
I'm certain that my uncertainty is for all the right things
And that my uncertainty is responsible for the excitement that I breed
The one thing that I hope for is clarity in all I see
If I open up my eyes and leap, I will see.
TM
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