Months slipping by and the willingness to show up

Over the past year or two, I've come to realize that I'm a bit flighty.

Since graduating from high school, I've done a number of different things... travelling, working various jobs, changing universities, changing locations, etc. I've developed interests and temporary obsessions with a variety of things. Often, though, they're quickly abandoned. I guess I just get bored a little easily.

At one point in my life, I thought I had an addictive personality. However, I think it's more of an "infatuation personality"... I become really interested in a certain thing and immerse myself in it. Then, at one point, I stop doing it regularly and find less interest in it. In the beginning, I can't live without it. I crave it... need it. Soon, though, I abandon it like a couch in a back alley... I might see it out there in the cold as I look through the window over the kitchen sink and think about it... but I think to myself, "it's been a good run. It was fun while it lasted." After that, it's rarely thought of again.

I guess the same thing goes for the blog. Some days I feel an inner compulsion to share what's on my mind... I need other people to read what I write or listen to what I have to say. In truth, I know that very few people actually read this thing (thanks, K.S. and Cibi!), but the compulsion remains. Often, though, it's fleeting and will disappear altogether after a while. Like March, 2008. Although there was a lot of stuff going on in my less-than-exciting existence, I really felt no compulsion to write. And I even had two weeks of spring break. Did that change anything? Nopers. Not a word.

I think my wife should be truly happy with me... before we started dating, no girl had lasted past my 4.5 month curse (I didn't date a single girl for more than about 4.5 months before K got her hooks into me!). Not only am I happy, but I usually can't wait to see her at the end of my days and to wake up beside her every morning. Sure, sometimes I want to launch my coffee cup at her when we're in the throws of marital angst (which, of course, is inevitable), but it never makes me want to leave or give up. If anything, it just makes me want to show up more. We talked about it a few weeks ago... about the fact that love is only a fraction of the marriage... that marriage takes a tonne of work and how we assume most people underestimate that.

Somebody gave me a simple but effective piece of advice when I was getting overwhelmed during my practicum:

"The biggest thing is to keep showing up"

The times I've failed were the times when I just stopped showing up. Now, showing up goes beyond the physical... it involves the mental. I think this is one of the biggest challenges for the high school students (and teachers)... for some of them, the biggest challenge is actually making it to school. For the rest, it's showing up mentally. If they can show up mentally and engage in what's happening in the classroom, success follows almost unanimously.

The same thing is definitely true for relationships... showing up (and, of course, wanting to show up) is more than half the battle. Or, so it seems in my limited marital experience.

There's your change for a nickel. More on my actual life later (maybe in another month or two)...

T