The only

The only things that follow me home

These days

Are shadows and fallen leaves

Blowing and tumbling down the sidewalk

As my feet stamp stamp the pavement

In the dark.

Some have found my clip-clop, right-left wanderings home

In the evening 

Strange

And slightly sad.

But I'm more morose when I find myself in cars

Rushing home after the music has stopped

And climbing into bed before the ringing 

Has subsided.

I walk to indulge in the tin-ny sounds 

Echoing in my ears after an all-night indulgence

Of symphonic beats and strums

Of stringed guitars

And music bars.

I walk to prolong what felt so, so right

Before it all went deeply wrong.

I guess this isn't about the music anymore.

I just know that I don't want to fall asleep quite yet

Unless I have someone breathing beside me

And I don't want to fall away quite yet

Until I know I'm not alone.

I haven't touched the lights switches in my new apartment tonight

Because if I did

I'd know that it's time for teeth to be brushed

And contacts to be taken out

And for socks to be strewn down the hall on my way to my bedroom

So that I can begin my every-eve routine of blankets and pillows

And tossing and turning and prayers for sleep to come

Alone.

No.

I want to keep my head swimming 

In the tick tick tick tick of the high hat

And the sometimes dissonant sounds coming from the stage

While the movement and hands and lights that threaten to pull me in.

Don't let sleep come quite yet... I'm just not ready.

Just a few more sounds and a few more whispers 

And a few more claps 

To break the silence as I tap tap tap

My way to dreamless sadness.

T