It's official.
I've taken it upon myself (with the help of my adoring wife) to embrace the reality of my thinning hair and sacrifice what used to be my relatively short mop to the gods of the somewhat mighty hair clippers.
I have talked about the old buzz cut for months now. I had no choice, really. It was inevitable. The entire maternal side of my family has been victimized by male pattern baldness. And as everyone has seen, there is a male propensity to try and cover it up by the slyest of methods available. These include the following:
1) The comb forward... when the hair starts retreating from the facial area, why not brush what's left to the front?
2) The comb-over... when you're past the comb-forward, the comb-over combines the brushing techniques of all directions. This is typically the choice of 1970's LA cops, librarians, and American politicians.
3) The toupee (also known as the "rug" or "carpet")... as the nicknames might imply, this technique is usually manifested in a poor performance. Like an ugly plywood floor, one would think that coverage is a good idea. Until you realize that off-white shag is never a good idea.
4) Hair In A Can (my personal favorite)... did you ever see the Ron Popeil infomercials that challenged balding men everywhere to purchase the revolutionary cure to thinning hair? The Hair in a Can involves a 14in x 14in piece of plywood with an oval-like hole the size of the customer's head cut out of the middle. The next step is to give the canister of Hair in a Can a good shake (remember, big smiles!). The third step involves placing the plywood over the head to protect the ears, and spray said hair product over the crown to cover up all areas of oncoming baldness. The final step is to remove the plywood skull-protector from the head, use a comb to lightly fluff remaining hair/new hair to create a "real" hair finish. Dries in a mere 4 hours.
Although these options are all highly intriguing and all have immense chick-magnet elements, I have decided to bypass them all and move straight to the buzz cut. With my wife by my side (clippers in hand), I closed my eyes and she slowly shaved the shag away and left me with about 3/8ths of an inch of stubble. I think I cried... just a little. But it's done, it's over, and I have to press on. I even took the garbage out so as to rid myself of any remaining reminders of what used to be.
Do I love it? Well, not yet. K thinks I look great, and she's been immensely supportive throughout the experience. And I appreciate it, since I know it's an honest response (she's terrible at lying unless it has to do with shoes purchases). So I guess I'll face the world (and my peers) tomorrow without any regrets (and maybe with a hat, so as to prevent any potential laughter and the possibility of a skullcap sunburn). Gotta move on and leave the proverbial hair behind.
- T
3 comments:
Hello Trevor, congratulations and best wishes re: your hair from your friends David and Jodie. I'm sure you made a responsible decision (although I do like a good comb-forward). Will you post some photos soon?
I will... we did some before and after photos, but in reality, the "before" photos are really any of the ones that you've seen in the last year. Thanks for the well wishes. I came to school today without a hat, so I think that makes it official.
- T
hahaha - I wish I had read this yesterday so that I would be prepared for the shock I got today when I saw you all buzzed with Zook.
Actually - it's a good look, and I think it's more fun -- how many people did you get swooshing their hands over your head today?
I have a friend who is going bald and he has chosen the combover. Big mistake. He's only 27 or so but the combover combined with some sort of greasy hair product makes him look like he's 40.
Good choice, Trevor.
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