Is it through your location? Your job? What you do in your spare time? Who you love? What you hate?
Do you ever leave a place and wonder who you're going to be when you get to the new location? I've been wondering that over the past few days and weeks. Who am I going to be without Victoria as my backdrop? Or without the University taking up the vast majority of my time? Without being able to tell people I live "on the island"?
I think that, to a certain extent, I define myself by my surroundings. It's also as if I define myself by the people around me. Who am I without K by my side? Or without Sean to spend time with at school? Or without Sarah to keep me in check in class? Or without all those people in my life who make me smile and make me sad and have made me who I am. I wonder...
I know that a great amount of this is related to the fact that I've made a home here in Vic. And the fact that I'm leaving it for another city that I don't really know is just a little bit overwhelming. I know I'm moving on to another stage in my life.... a career and something resembling adulthood, but it's still unnerving. I'm feeling as though I found a huge part of myself out here on the coast, and now that I'm leaving, I'm not totally sure that I can just transplant that to another geographical position. Maybe it's fear... or insecurity... or just the simple fact that I really love this city. But it's uncomfortable all the same. The pictures in my apartment have been packed into boxes. So have my books. Hell, so have my shoes. And many memories. I'm leaving in 6 days and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. It might even be apprehension about teaching... I don't have the slightest clue if I'm ready for it. This is an important career, and I think a certain amount of bravery is needed for it. Do I have it? I guess I have no choice now...
I hope students aren't like dogs and being able to smell the fear on me... if they are, I think I'm going to be in big trouble.
Maybe it's just the clouds outside my window...
- T
1 comment:
You're going to be a great teacher!
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