My job brings in a host of strange characters. Some are simply lost souls looking to drown their sorrows in a pint of lager... others are looking for just a little conversation - a touch of human contact that they may or may not be able to obtain in their day to day lives... Others simply want a casual spot to slam some shooters and chug some beer and make complete fools out of themselves... still others are simply indulging in a fun social outing. This last group is usually the easiest to serve and most enjoyable to deal with.
However, there is a whole different place for some of the other characters that come in.
So, a guy walks into the pub. I'm somewhat bored, talking baseball with one of the regulars at the bar. The guy walking in the front door has no shoes, a pair of shorts that seems to be missing the pockets, and looks like he might want to use our washroom and take off. I greet him at the door, keeping in mind the standard "No shirt, no shoes, no service" as I laugh at the fact that such a saying could possibly be true.
"How are we doing tonight?" I politely ask. He smiles and walks over.
"I'm great!" he tells me, shaking my hand. "My name's Jimmy. I just moved into the O.I. down the block."
"Nice to meet you Jimmy. It looks like you lost your shoes!"
"I know! Crazy stuff! I went to the beach and had a swim. I left my credit card and car keys and my shoes all laying on a rock while I went in. When I got back, they had disappeared! I can't even get into my car right now!"
"That's not good! Someone must've walked by and lifted them while you were in the water." I suggest.
"But there was nobody around! I was watching the beach the whole time and I didn't see a single person. It must have been a spirit that came by... took them away!" he replies.
"Uhh... huh. Weird" is all I could squeak out.
"Yep. Must'a been a god. Well I'm a god too, so it makes sense!"
Blank stare with a confused grin, from yours truly.
"Yeah," he continues, pulling out a small medallion on a leather rope around his neck, "I'm a reincarnation of Rameses III, so I'm a god too!" he explains.
Again, this is followed with a blank stare.
Then, another dishevelled individual walks through the door, also looking like he wants to use the washroom which is for paying customers only.
"Hey, I know you!" Rameses III reincarnated says to new dishevelled guy. "What's up? Where are you living these days??" he asks his friend.
"All over man... here and there" is his reply. This is never a good thing to overhear when you work in a suspiciously dodgy area of town and your boss states that you must turn away any non-customers from trying to use the bathroom.
"Can I help you?" I interrupt.
"Nope, I'm good, man. Just using the washroom."
"Actually sir, the washroom is for customers only, so I have to ask you to go somewhere else."
"Oh. Well I'm having a beer when I get out" he replies.
I can be kinda thick sometimes, but this is obviously just BS. "Sir, I'm sorry, but I can't let you use the facilities."
Disappointed, he continues to talk to Rameses III. Rameses says to him, "Just come over and stay with me! I got some booze at the house and some tunes going on. Interested?"
"Yeah, man. That sounds great!" he replies happily as they head for the door.
"Hey bartender! This guy is a god too!" Ramses III yells as he's walking out the door.
"Congrats!" I reply. "You two have a great night."
They leave, sketchy guy and his deity friend Rameses III/Jimmy arm in arm, like a absurdly strange story of kinship reunited.
I guess it can be true... fact is stranger than fiction. Particularly on the Gorge.
- T
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