Certain all-consuming things

I was tossing and turning. My feet were slightly cold since we decided to leave the window open a crack in order to let in some of the fresh (but chilly) night air. And I was dreaming. Not about sunsets or puppies or eating cheeseburgers (do people actually dream about these things?), but about school. Not university either, but my upcoming return to my sponsor school after a generally enjoyable spring break.

As I rolled over for the tenth time, I grabbed my glasses so I could see the alarm across the room; it read 4:13am. I was awake. Actually, not just awake.... wide awake. I came to the realization that I had only two days to meet with my sponsor teacher about my unit plans for the upcoming 6 weeks, and I hadn't sent them off yet. Of course, this is typical me, but still created some stress.

I thought about what I needed to do, and even wrote down a few things on a post-it sitting on my bedside table. I had it all somewhat clear in my mind, although there were some unanswered questions that I'm still not sure about. So I tried to roll over and get some more sleep. The clock read 4:27. And then it read 4:35. I read it again with the same result a few moments later (the minutes passing by exceedingly slowly), so I just got up, turned on the computer, and started typing. It was early, but when you're awake, you're awake. Or, at least I am.

I didn't get a huge amount accomplished, but I laid out some things that I finished today and got rid of the demons that troubled my sleep. After typing up some of the plan and writing myself some notes, I had a glass of milk and crawled back into bed. And I'm still wondering why I'm doing far more work than almost anyone else in the program. I constantly ask others what is expected of them, and I keep running into the same general response: a limited amount. As long as they're doing a tolerable job, they have the class under control and they show a sense of competence, sponsor teachers are happy. And this seems to be the case in 2/3 of my classes. But in one, it's an all-consuming battle to meet expectations and try to figure this whole thing out.

- T