Buoyed

I often wonder about moments and times in our life when we become ready for, well, whatever it is that stands in front of us. Big decisions, personal challenges, life paths... I've watched in the lives of my family, my friends, and as many of you know, myself. I've never been apologetic about the major decisions I've made in my life. They have made me who I've become, and they've all helped mold me into the person whose fingers tap away. I've had moments where the initial sensation of regret creeps into my mind, but with a little bit of time and reflection I come to understand the role of these decisions in my life.

There have been moments (more than I can count, really) when I can't see beyond the tunnel as life pushes me into a place where I can't turn down the opportunity that sits in front of me. I'm sitting in my seaside apartment in a small summer holiday area outlying a peninsular Chinese city as May rolls into June, which explains enough in itself. Not so long ago, I was wrestling with all the misery lingering from losing the one I committed to nearly five years ago. And I can't deny that there aren't still days when I mourn that loss... but I don't regret my decision to leave or to come here. In fact, I couldn't (and still don't) acknowledge that there was another reasonable decision to be made. If I would've tried to wait any longer, I would've given away every remaining piece of me. And I sit here today as the spring clouds roll in over the coastal shores knowing that I've made it through the tunnel.

I'm finding myself reflective because of a man I'm lucky to have as a friend. We were speaking online tonight from across a continent as he makes his way through Europe for a trip with some of his amigos. Over this past year, he's been a phenomenal source of solace and good advice for me. He went through a hard breakup a few years ago and made it out with a new perspective, and passed on what he learned in every way he could to help keep me grounded and positive. And after speaking to him earlier and getting an email from him, I realized that his perspective has changed more in the last year than I could ever imagine. For a long time, he avoided the steps he's now taking... maybe because of fear, or uncertainty, or another phenomenon that made him balk. And the more I think about it, it just seemed like it wasn't his time. And now it is. And I don't think I've ever been so happy for anyone in my life. 

There were a couple of years after high school and after we'd both moved away from home that I wasn't sure that our friendship could weather the years and distance and changing lives. We had started to become extremely different and the conversations that came so naturally in our closer days seemed to be a lot more forced. Our common experiences were slowly fading. Now, though, even though we're leading radically different lives, we're still close. And through him and especially through his decision tonight, I finding my own hopes and wishes becoming real, and it's buoying me in ways I can't even explain. 

The decision he made today will hopefully be one that he'll live to tell his great-grandchildren about. Hell, I'll tell mine if he doesn't. Good on ya, SP. Making memories that'll last a lifetime.

T