I didn't sleep well last night. I tossed. Turned. I'm sure there was a flop as well. I checked the clock at 3:47am and realized that I was going to be tired today. Luckily it's a non-teaching day. But that's the only reason I'm lucky. It's the morning of my university interim report. The meeting and moment of judgement come in exactly 3 hours and 17 minutes... oh, wait, 16 minutes. And I also just got finished with my sponsor teacher, who wants to see far more work for my unit plan than I expected... and she wants to see it today. The day of my judgment. In all facets of my academic life, there's stress, anxiety, and antacids.
When I'm in front of my classes, I don't really feel any anxiety. I'm comfortable, I enjoy being around the students, and although there are some stressful moments, I feel at ease in that situation. It's the satellite things in my day that cause me stress. Some are completely unrelated to teaching too... sometimes it's money, sometimes it's the huge burden of expectations from family/colleagues, other times it's just the day-to-day organizational struggles I face as an absent-minded buffoon. Example: I tried putting the milk in the cupboard beside our bowls and plates.
One of my friends/fellow interns asked me today if I ever seriously reconsider this whole teaching thing. My immediate reaction was, "Absolutely". I thought about this response for a minute and realized that it wasn't literally the teaching part that caused this concern... it was everything else. Teaching is an insane amount of work, especially as a new teacher. It requires a massive range of skills and you have a huge learning curve when you're starting out. Also, the threat of upset parents, angry students, disappointed sponsors, disappointed colleagues, hyper-anxious ME, is enough to drive a person nutso. I know I've said this before but it can be overwhelming.
Okay, enough tears for today. I've got some work ahead of me, so the pity party will have to wait. Until again...
- T
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