Things you may not know...

I was once obsessed with the internet. Some might be suspicious as to whether this is still the case, and I think an argument could probably be made. But I can live (reluctantly) without it. However, about 8 years ago it really became a huge part of my daily life and definitely developed a part of me.

I used to listen to a lot of hard rock and alternative music while I was in high school. Although I still appreciate some music in those genres today, I have Corinne Bailey Rae, Billie Holiday, and Dave Matthews Band in my IPod these days. Much more mellow. But I listened to a lot of Creed when they were popular. I also listened to some Pearl Jam, Tea Party, Matt Good, and other various rock bands. But after listening to Creed daily, I started looking for band information and concert dates which may have provided me with an opportunity to see them live. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. However, I did come across something else: an online BBS (Bulliten Board System).

Now, I should say that, for those of you who don't know (probably no one, since only about 8 people read this blog, my immediate family members being 5 of them), I grew up going to church most Sundays and attended Catholic school my entire life. I still go back to my old high school when I'm home in Alberta to visit some of my old teachers. My mom even works at my old elementary school (and has been for numerous years). Jokingly, I used to call myself a "cultural Catholic". A cultural Catholic is like a secular Jewish person, but with a rosary at the centre of the tradition rather than the Torah or a Yamulka.

In my teens, I started really getting into intense song lyrics and books about religion, both western and eastern. I went through a fairly long phase of constantly questioning my religious beliefs and engaging with other people on the topic. My mom tells me that I kicked up a pretty big fuss when "confirmation" came around (Junior High sometime, I think about 13-14 years old), and continued to challenge such things for numerous years thereafter. I stopped going to church around the age of 16 or 17, and although I occasionally attend now and have no real problem attending church, it's not something I pursue very often.

So, back to being an internet geek. I went to Creed's official website and stumbled across this bulliten board. It was mainly a place where people could talk about Creed's music, concerts they attended, lyrics they liked, etc. It also had a religion forum, since Creed's lyrics were highly allegorical and made many intense religious and/or Biblical allusions. I enjoyed the songs and music since it wasn't strictly religious, but definitely represented a perspective that was highly involved in engaging with religious questions or ideas. So I read. And kept reading. And then I signed up. And I posted once. Then again. Until I was posting nearly every day in a personal battle with every person on the board who had never questioned their personal religious beliefs or were so narrow-minded that I took it upon myself to enlighten them to the highly personal and highly relative nature of religious beliefs, particularly the vast differences between the various sects of Christianity and the suspicious foundation on which some of those beliefs were founded. . I was really interested in Reformation history, the history of the Catholic church, and the reasons for why modern Christianity existed in the form it did. So I kept posting. And arguing. And engaging.

This took up a lot of time. I neglected homework, was disrespectful to my parents, ignored my friends to a certain degree, and became somewhat obsessed. The funny thing is, I don't regret it for a second. Well, maybe the disrespecting parents part (and I know that it still happens from time to time), but otherwise, it was a very important formative experience for me.

I started reading a little bit about Deism and Taoism and Buddhism, and little bits about Islam and a touch of philosophy. I started reading C.S. Lewis and engaged with some of his arguments in Mere Christianity. In reality, I spent years wrestling with these beliefs and ideas and my guilt about what I was supposed to believe and what I believed in reality.

It's funny, but I still think of certain passages from the Bible that I still find extremely relevant. I'm not a believer in any sort of Biblical literalism (or anything near it), but I can't help but believe that there are some great things to be found in there. I still love the story of Jacob who wrestled with a messenger from God all night until he would be blessed... it is from this story that the name "Israel" was given to God's people, which literally means "He who wrestles with angels". I've always loved the name Jacob. Likewise, Proverbs 25:2 recalls this story: "It is the will of God to conceal an issue, but it is the glory of Kings to search out a matter". These phrases still have meaning in my life. But then again, I could probably give you a few similar passages from the mouth of Buddha or the Bhagavad Gita that reinforce such things. Another funny thing: I seem to always end up as the great "Defender of the Faith"... not literally, but it seems like every time I come across someone who doesn't understand Catholicism or Christianity or the history of Western religion, I feel as though I need to pipe up. I guess that's my Catholic training coming through, which I don't mind.

I know I've posted it before, but I'll leave it again; it's a quote from C.S. Lewis' "Mere Christianity:

"For the longest way round is the shortest way home"

It may take a long while to get someplace, but that just means that it was the right destination all along (indulging in my more romantic sentiments... I still watch Dead Poets' Society from time to time).

- T