Connecting curriculum material to the lives of students is probably one of the greatest strengths a teacher can possess. These days, if they material being taught in a class doesn't directly influence or link to a kids life, it could be very easily forgotten. Sure, this doesn't happen in all cases... for a lot of kids, the fact that it needs to be remembered for a test or quiz or assignment is enough. However, for a huge number of students, they simply don't care too much.
Thus, I am able to talk about one of my addictions: CSI. Shakespeare might as well be Greek for some kids. They couldn't be less interested. It's difficult, time-consuming, often frustrating, and takes place so long before their existence that many simply don't see a point to it at all. However, you spend a good deal of time connecting it to crime dramas that appear on prime time TV, they actually get an idea of what's happening. And really, MAcbeth is a perfect case of a ridiculously thick-skulled criminal who is effected by bouts of random hallucinations and is obsessed with the prophecies that come from a bunch of old, scary, bearded ladies. I don't know about some other people, but he's a big bucket of crazy, and there are lessons to be learned.
Changing gears slightly...
I officially have 10 days of student teaching left before I'm officially done my teaching program. Sure, I have to teach one of my classes to the end of the year, but I'm done 2/3 and can start making some money. Which is lovely. But in these last 2 weeks, I really have to pull out the stops in order to make my one sponsor teacher happy. And that is going to be a difficult task. She's not only uber-intelligent, but she's crazy organized, super-ambitious, and has the big picture structure down pat. I think from the time that she started that she was a natural at all of the above talents, and this whole teaching thing came fairly easy to her. I also have no doubt that even though she has the odd off-day, she's about as committed and focussed as anyone around. She's really like a super-teacher... although she's hard, she does an excellent job. However (of COURSE there had to be a "but")... I'm terrified as to what she's going to write about me. My university advisor and her sat down for over an hour the other day while I was teaching, then neglected to tell me what went on. Also, my visit by my advisor immediately following this wasn't super-wonderful. It was one of those, "You've improved so much at X, Y, and Z this year T! But..." The dreaded "but". For those of you who aren't involved in teaching, this is a killer phrase. In reality, one mediocre teaching report can ruin the chances of getting a teaching position in the district I'm working in (particularly since everyone knows everyone). And although I think I'm competent and relatively well-liked, I'm absolutely terrified of the possibility of receiving a "but" on my teaching report. I've hit more or less every single trait listed on our teaching reports to a reasonable degree, and for this I'm happy. However, this one sponsor may put that dreaded "but" in the area of planning and organization which may hurt me. Even though I probably did more planning that 2-3 interns did together. I have no doubt that others worked as hard or harder than I did, but for one single sponsor, I did more work for her than I did for all my other ones combined.
I definitely struggled with the planning and lesson prep. It hasn't come naturally to me and I still have moments where I get caught up in all the stress and I stop doing the job I know I can. And any friend of mine can tell you I've NEVER been the most organized guy in town. K could tell you this over and over. But over the past 8 months, I've come a long way and I feel like I've improved 10 fold in so many ways. Still, I'm not sure it was good enough for my sponsor. And it seems like no matter what my other sponsors say about me positively, her questions and constant challenges make me feel like I'm totally letting down her and the system as a whole. I don't think this is true, but it still lingers in my mind.
I know I only have 5 more classes with her, and that I've just gotta push through. But when I walked into this program, I thought I'd be a natural at every aspect of teaching. I thought my personality would provide me with a walk on easy street. My, how wrong I was. I'm definitely doing okay, but I do have a ways to go. And teaching is not one of those occupations that you ever totally get down. The kid factor is simply too great to be totally effective. And so I'm finishing these last few weeks with mixed emotions and can't get over the stress that I've been feeling over the past 2-3 weeks. It's like a constant anxiety to do something I'm incapable of doing.
At one point, I think I talked about Diogenes of Sinope who would walk around the Athenian Agora carry a lamp in the middle of the day. When asked what he was doing, he responded by saying that he was searching for an honest man. I really identified with him, and still do. However, over the past few weeks I've identified with another figure of Ancient Greece... a man by the name of Sisyphus. In The Odyssey he is mentioned to have been punished for trickery. His duty was to push or carry a boulder up a steep hill. However, whenever he reached the top, the rock with slip out of his grasp and roll back down the hill. This was his eternal destiny. I feel that sometimes teaching is similar... just when we think we have things under control, that boulder slips, and soon we are at the bottom of the hill trying to figure out how to get that boulder to the top. The one difference is the rewards throughout the journey are ever-present in the eyes of the students we teach. I sometimes forget that I'm not pursuing this career for me... but for the students I'll be teaching. It's hard to keep that in mind sometimes.
- T
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