Work related paranoia

Upon entering my education program more than a year ago, I heard that my location in BC for teaching would provide a plethora of opportunities in the job market. I was excited to hear this, since I was moving to a nice half-way point between the coast and my family back in the 4-0-3 area code, and I would likely find work really easily. This was supposedly even moreso the case, since I was in arguably the best education program in the province. People actually said the words, "If you complete the program and you have a pulse, you'll have a job next year".

The year came and went. I was up to my eyeballs in coaching and marking and prepping and kids, and I barely had time to breathe. However, in the back of my mind I believed that it was simply a short few months and I'd be on my way to secure employment. There would be no need to worry about money because I, being the excellent prize that I was (in the best location possible) would definitely have a job and K would stop worrying so much. And, the spring came and went. As did the summer. And September. Still, there was not a job to be had by yours truly. Truth be told, part of the reason was possibly my own inaction combined with an administrative error (said administration believed inaccurately that I was leaving the district for more distant shores), leading to a less-than-glorious spot on the TOC list.

Now, at the beginning of the year, I loathed this position. I was jealous of my colleagues who had secured positions at various locations around the province (and the world), and was worried that my education was all for naught. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this whole teaching thing. Maybe my practicum wasn't as good as I thought.

Maybe I was just paranoid. I'm not sure.

But as of late, I've been hearing a lot of talk about contracts around town. A few English teachers from one school actually approached me and told me they wanted me to take a maternity leave for a teacher there that I get along really well with which would begin after spring break... there may even be a few extra blocks to fill it out (since it would only be 1/2 time), so that's extremely exciting. I met with the principal last week to touch base and introduce myself, but in all likelihood, I won't hear anything for a while.

Then I was at another high school that I've been to frequently this year, and I was approached by the VP who began asking me various questions about my teaching areas, background, etc. So, I talked about English and Socials and my coaching experience and the fact that I'm a big bookworm (he thought that was funny), and later that day, he popped into a senior English class I was teaching and sat down to observe for about 15 minutes. I was nervous, but some of the students said I was doing a great job, so in my happy ignorance, I'm going to believe them. I just found out today that an English/SS teacher is retiring in January and they haven't filled the position. In other words, I'm kinda scared... this is it. Real contract territory. And I don't know what to do.

Actually, that's not true. Particularly since my options are limited to: working as much as possible (as per usual) and doing my best to keep up my rapport and connections around town. But it's scary... it's the real world, knocking on the door, wondering if I'm ready to come out and play.

At some points, I think I'm sure.

During other, more weak and pitiful moments, I want to crawl into my closet and hide.

T